I lied about the dying part. It makes it seem more dramatic though. Some duuuuumb ass kid decides to type a nice message on an Apple computer in a NY store. He kindly said, "I have threatened your store and all its employees with a bloody death ... whoever the crew may be working, or the innocent citizens that walk in ... will be eliminated with the force of a ... bomb loaded with C4, strapped to my chest."
That's pretty deep dude. I thought writing penis on a computer was ballsy. Police were actually able to find him. I'm guessing it was luck or they hired a psychic. Of course the guy said he was kidding, but was he? You know the old trick of when you ask someone a question and you are just kidding? Except you want them to respond with a yes because you're not kidding, but the, "I'm just kidding," joke covers you in case the person gets mad or offended? So was he reaaaalllly kidding or fake kidding? Who knows, but he was released with a $10,000 bond and could face 7 years in a free dorm room like environment.
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Senator Cheated On His Wife!
Since when did politicians cheat on their spouses? Weird. To make it even better he cheated on his wife with his best friend's wife. Wow, talk about cliche. I thought politicians were smart. At least try to cheat with the dog sitter's mom's mom's daughter's friend who married an illegal immigrant. Maybe it would be harder for people to get caught?
Anyway, this affair happened last year, but now the FBI is getting involved. This is the boring part of the story so I'm not even going to go into it. Basically, Ensign is a douche and is getting the death penalty. Just kidding about the death penalty part.
Oh, I was once given a 24 pack of Bud Light not to talk about an affair with a state rep. Ooooooh. Of course I took it. A free night of beer pong goes a long way.
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Anyway, this affair happened last year, but now the FBI is getting involved. This is the boring part of the story so I'm not even going to go into it. Basically, Ensign is a douche and is getting the death penalty. Just kidding about the death penalty part.
Oh, I was once given a 24 pack of Bud Light not to talk about an affair with a state rep. Ooooooh. Of course I took it. A free night of beer pong goes a long way.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Paranormal Activity is a Bad Bad Movie Review
For $1.06 I rented Paranormal Activity at redbox. I also rented Gamer as a back up, but had a free coupon code so my total date night was $1.06. You can spend that kind of money when you're rich. Well thank god I had my free backup, which is a sweet movie.
Watching Paranormal Activity is worse than the beginning of a naughty movie. Why is it worse you ask? Because at least the naughty movie gets better, in most cases. Not that I watch those kinds of movies or anything since that stuff is gross. Ewww.
30 minutes into Paranormal Activity and you get to watch his girlfriend brush her teeth, scrapbook, scream at a spider and sleep in a bed and cry. How is this any different than any other relationship? I'd rather watch Twilight and The Notebook back to back.
40 minutes in the movie and his girlfriend is no longer in the bed. Oh no where did she go? She's outside in the cold because shes scared. That's right, scared of the spider she saw earlier.
42 minutes in the movie and it is no longer playing. Why? Because a dirty movie usually starts to become interesting in 5 minutes. What sucks even more is that his girlfriend doesn't even sleep naked. Sucker.
In summary, if you want to watch a guys sucky relationship and watch a super controlling annoying crazy woman, rent Paranormal Activity. Or for free you can find a girlfriend and experience it yourself.
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Watching Paranormal Activity is worse than the beginning of a naughty movie. Why is it worse you ask? Because at least the naughty movie gets better, in most cases. Not that I watch those kinds of movies or anything since that stuff is gross. Ewww.
30 minutes into Paranormal Activity and you get to watch his girlfriend brush her teeth, scrapbook, scream at a spider and sleep in a bed and cry. How is this any different than any other relationship? I'd rather watch Twilight and The Notebook back to back.
40 minutes in the movie and his girlfriend is no longer in the bed. Oh no where did she go? She's outside in the cold because shes scared. That's right, scared of the spider she saw earlier.
42 minutes in the movie and it is no longer playing. Why? Because a dirty movie usually starts to become interesting in 5 minutes. What sucks even more is that his girlfriend doesn't even sleep naked. Sucker.
In summary, if you want to watch a guys sucky relationship and watch a super controlling annoying crazy woman, rent Paranormal Activity. Or for free you can find a girlfriend and experience it yourself.
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California is Melting
Why do I say that? Do you see all the rain that continues to rain on their parade? You know how the witch melts in the rain from that famous movie with ToTo in it? That's my joke. People freaking out is not a joke. Hopefully all those hybrids with 10 inch rims and P rated tires float into the ocean. I'm not talking about the actually P rated tire. The p stands for something. Guess what that is?
I don't know how many people experience California drivers when it rains. I have. It's amusing and frustrating at the same time. If you live in Michigan you can probably drive, play Call of Duty, shave your legs, bake a cake and text message exactly 160 characters while driving through a hurricane. Oh but it gets better. All of a sudden that hurricane turns into a snow storm giving you 3 inches of visibility. It doesn't matter though, you still drive through while putting frosting on your cake. This is a TYPICAL Michigan driver. There is always the exception though so I cannot totally talk up Michigan drivers. It tends to be a certain race or gender, but I'm not naming that stereotype. Oh yeah and cops can't drive either, especially when they are trying to catch up to me. Not happening buddy.
Anyway, this is the end of my make fun of the rain in CA post. Can't forget to make extra fun of my favorite San Diego Bounce House since they are losing money everyday it rains.
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I don't know how many people experience California drivers when it rains. I have. It's amusing and frustrating at the same time. If you live in Michigan you can probably drive, play Call of Duty, shave your legs, bake a cake and text message exactly 160 characters while driving through a hurricane. Oh but it gets better. All of a sudden that hurricane turns into a snow storm giving you 3 inches of visibility. It doesn't matter though, you still drive through while putting frosting on your cake. This is a TYPICAL Michigan driver. There is always the exception though so I cannot totally talk up Michigan drivers. It tends to be a certain race or gender, but I'm not naming that stereotype. Oh yeah and cops can't drive either, especially when they are trying to catch up to me. Not happening buddy.
Anyway, this is the end of my make fun of the rain in CA post. Can't forget to make extra fun of my favorite San Diego Bounce House since they are losing money everyday it rains.
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What Kind of Party Rentals to Have?
What kind of party rentals do you like to see at events? I can tell you that a bounce house is a must. You have to find one that has more than just a bouncing area. There are so many new ones that are made for adults. Anything with a basketball net inside will provide endless hours of fun and injuries. You won't feel the injuries until the next morning because you will probably be drunk when it happens. I made a post specifically about drinking and bouncing. Check it out.
A beer pong table is also a must. Is it a family event? Who cares? I guarantee your aunts and uncles want to play as bad as you. Some are more open than others, but eventually they will play. I've also seen beer pong games include other games including flip cup/tippy cup. I say flip cup/tippy cup because someone might get super angry if I say it the "wrong" way. Who effin cares how you say it? It's the same game. Are you going to be mad if a girl asks you to make love even though you call it sex? No, unless you are one of those guys who cries and thinks it's beautiful.
What about a dunk tank? I'd rather play dodgeball and actually hit the person that is supposed to fall in the water. Unless it's boiling water. Then I'll choose the dunk tank.
There is a new magnetic climbing wall that lets you climb like Spider-Man. For some reason I see myself doing this with only two magnetic climbers with a drunkness level of a lot. I also think this is a stupid idea, but like I said in a previous post, drunkness is a temporary motivator to accomplish stupid things. Either way, this is a new party rental and you will start to see these at carnivals.
What kind of party rentals do you like to have?
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A beer pong table is also a must. Is it a family event? Who cares? I guarantee your aunts and uncles want to play as bad as you. Some are more open than others, but eventually they will play. I've also seen beer pong games include other games including flip cup/tippy cup. I say flip cup/tippy cup because someone might get super angry if I say it the "wrong" way. Who effin cares how you say it? It's the same game. Are you going to be mad if a girl asks you to make love even though you call it sex? No, unless you are one of those guys who cries and thinks it's beautiful.
What about a dunk tank? I'd rather play dodgeball and actually hit the person that is supposed to fall in the water. Unless it's boiling water. Then I'll choose the dunk tank.
There is a new magnetic climbing wall that lets you climb like Spider-Man. For some reason I see myself doing this with only two magnetic climbers with a drunkness level of a lot. I also think this is a stupid idea, but like I said in a previous post, drunkness is a temporary motivator to accomplish stupid things. Either way, this is a new party rental and you will start to see these at carnivals.
What kind of party rentals do you like to have?
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Random Interview Advice
When you are in college and doing the whole recruiting process you are probably nervous. Don't be. 99% of the time you are smarter than the recruiter. Also, they are going to hire you if they like you. If you "fit it." Maybe not ALL companies are like this, but I've seen many examples of this in my short lived corporate experience. I've even spoken with recruiters who told me they know if they are going to give a second interview within one minute. ONE minute! I know one minute seems like a long time for some guys out there, but it really isn't.
You honestly should care way more about yourself during the interview and make the recruiter feel like they are being recruited. Why would you do that? It's like telling a girl you won't have sex with her. She feels unwanted and not as good as the other girls. What does she do then? She has sex with you. Try it out at a bar. If there is a group of girls, talk to the least attractive one. Sure she has a great personality, but she isn't as good looking until you drink 45 shots of Hot Damn 100. MOST TIMES, the more attractive girls start asking themselves what is wrong with me? Why is he talking to heeeeer? Now the attractive girls try harder and want you to want them. Don't give in yet though. Wait until the end of the night and now she is desperate and questioning if her friend is better than her. NOW STRIKE. You can finish the story on your own because I'm getting sidetracked from the main idea.
Do not be nervous in the interview. Instead, you should really understand what it is like to work at the company interviewing you. I chose the company that paid the most. BIG MISTAKE. I should have picked the company that had young workers and a fun work environment. That is what you should go after. Ask many questions related to the work environment and then ask yourself if you would hang out with those people outside of work. If you say no, why would you want to work there? You're going to hate your life and then you become the majority of American's who want to kill their co-workers. I killed a co-worker with a trident and now I'm wanted. I'm going to lay low for awhile.
P.S. if you are a girl who takes offense to the above analogy, sorry. Not really though. If you want to jump in and steal a guy that is talking to your lesser attractive friend, talk about Call of Duty. Tell the guy how much you love it. You now have control over his life.
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You honestly should care way more about yourself during the interview and make the recruiter feel like they are being recruited. Why would you do that? It's like telling a girl you won't have sex with her. She feels unwanted and not as good as the other girls. What does she do then? She has sex with you. Try it out at a bar. If there is a group of girls, talk to the least attractive one. Sure she has a great personality, but she isn't as good looking until you drink 45 shots of Hot Damn 100. MOST TIMES, the more attractive girls start asking themselves what is wrong with me? Why is he talking to heeeeer? Now the attractive girls try harder and want you to want them. Don't give in yet though. Wait until the end of the night and now she is desperate and questioning if her friend is better than her. NOW STRIKE. You can finish the story on your own because I'm getting sidetracked from the main idea.
Do not be nervous in the interview. Instead, you should really understand what it is like to work at the company interviewing you. I chose the company that paid the most. BIG MISTAKE. I should have picked the company that had young workers and a fun work environment. That is what you should go after. Ask many questions related to the work environment and then ask yourself if you would hang out with those people outside of work. If you say no, why would you want to work there? You're going to hate your life and then you become the majority of American's who want to kill their co-workers. I killed a co-worker with a trident and now I'm wanted. I'm going to lay low for awhile.
P.S. if you are a girl who takes offense to the above analogy, sorry. Not really though. If you want to jump in and steal a guy that is talking to your lesser attractive friend, talk about Call of Duty. Tell the guy how much you love it. You now have control over his life.
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Monday, January 18, 2010
Small Things That Make You Want to Lay Down Some...
What are things that make you want to punch, kick, pull hair, gauge an eye or two, stab with a pencil, rip nipple piercings out, headbutt, strangle with floss and I can seriously go on forever since I've probably thought of everything to do to someone for some reason or another? I'm going to just write and not even think. The first one is fresh since it happened 20 minutes ago. Ok here it goes.
Fast food people forgetting your sauce. First of all I cannot eat McDonald's chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce. Second, you have the easiest job in the world except being a prostitute. How the hell do you forget the sauce? It shows it on the screen for J sake. J sake can be Jesus sake's or Jewish sake's. Up to you. Both ways make my point.
People who scream in the gym. Ok,we know you're lifting heavy weights and I hope you drop them on your face or nuts so you can let me listen to Miley Cyrus in peace. I'm assuming you don't care about your nuts since you use steroids so lets go with face.
People who drive foreign vehicles, except Audi's of course. This means the majority of you hate me now, but that's how I feel. For some stupid reason people who drive foreign vehicles are half not smart. That's my politically correct way of saying you are retarded. This rage exponentially increases when the people who drive the foreign vehicle complain about the economy.
Countries/Governments that complain about the United States, but beg for help when they are in trouble. What gets me even more is when we are on our way to help and don't get there fast enough. Excuse me? Sorry our teleportation system is down. If we would reverse the role and the United States had a catastrophe, nobody would help. In fact, they would say, "Oh, well they had it coming, they deserve it." The best thing they would give is a possible incentive to buy their foreign vehicle. Okay I'm done with the foreign bashing for now.
Those are a few big ones. There are many many more and I'll do a follow up post with more.
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Fast food people forgetting your sauce. First of all I cannot eat McDonald's chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce. Second, you have the easiest job in the world except being a prostitute. How the hell do you forget the sauce? It shows it on the screen for J sake. J sake can be Jesus sake's or Jewish sake's. Up to you. Both ways make my point.
People who scream in the gym. Ok,we know you're lifting heavy weights and I hope you drop them on your face or nuts so you can let me listen to Miley Cyrus in peace. I'm assuming you don't care about your nuts since you use steroids so lets go with face.
People who drive foreign vehicles, except Audi's of course. This means the majority of you hate me now, but that's how I feel. For some stupid reason people who drive foreign vehicles are half not smart. That's my politically correct way of saying you are retarded. This rage exponentially increases when the people who drive the foreign vehicle complain about the economy.
Countries/Governments that complain about the United States, but beg for help when they are in trouble. What gets me even more is when we are on our way to help and don't get there fast enough. Excuse me? Sorry our teleportation system is down. If we would reverse the role and the United States had a catastrophe, nobody would help. In fact, they would say, "Oh, well they had it coming, they deserve it." The best thing they would give is a possible incentive to buy their foreign vehicle. Okay I'm done with the foreign bashing for now.
Those are a few big ones. There are many many more and I'll do a follow up post with more.
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