I lied about the dying part. It makes it seem more dramatic though. Some duuuuumb ass kid decides to type a nice message on an Apple computer in a NY store. He kindly said, "I have threatened your store and all its employees with a bloody death ... whoever the crew may be working, or the innocent citizens that walk in ... will be eliminated with the force of a ... bomb loaded with C4, strapped to my chest."
That's pretty deep dude. I thought writing penis on a computer was ballsy. Police were actually able to find him. I'm guessing it was luck or they hired a psychic. Of course the guy said he was kidding, but was he? You know the old trick of when you ask someone a question and you are just kidding? Except you want them to respond with a yes because you're not kidding, but the, "I'm just kidding," joke covers you in case the person gets mad or offended? So was he reaaaalllly kidding or fake kidding? Who knows, but he was released with a $10,000 bond and could face 7 years in a free dorm room like environment.
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Senator Cheated On His Wife!
Since when did politicians cheat on their spouses? Weird. To make it even better he cheated on his wife with his best friend's wife. Wow, talk about cliche. I thought politicians were smart. At least try to cheat with the dog sitter's mom's mom's daughter's friend who married an illegal immigrant. Maybe it would be harder for people to get caught?
Anyway, this affair happened last year, but now the FBI is getting involved. This is the boring part of the story so I'm not even going to go into it. Basically, Ensign is a douche and is getting the death penalty. Just kidding about the death penalty part.
Oh, I was once given a 24 pack of Bud Light not to talk about an affair with a state rep. Ooooooh. Of course I took it. A free night of beer pong goes a long way.
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Anyway, this affair happened last year, but now the FBI is getting involved. This is the boring part of the story so I'm not even going to go into it. Basically, Ensign is a douche and is getting the death penalty. Just kidding about the death penalty part.
Oh, I was once given a 24 pack of Bud Light not to talk about an affair with a state rep. Ooooooh. Of course I took it. A free night of beer pong goes a long way.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Paranormal Activity is a Bad Bad Movie Review
For $1.06 I rented Paranormal Activity at redbox. I also rented Gamer as a back up, but had a free coupon code so my total date night was $1.06. You can spend that kind of money when you're rich. Well thank god I had my free backup, which is a sweet movie.
Watching Paranormal Activity is worse than the beginning of a naughty movie. Why is it worse you ask? Because at least the naughty movie gets better, in most cases. Not that I watch those kinds of movies or anything since that stuff is gross. Ewww.
30 minutes into Paranormal Activity and you get to watch his girlfriend brush her teeth, scrapbook, scream at a spider and sleep in a bed and cry. How is this any different than any other relationship? I'd rather watch Twilight and The Notebook back to back.
40 minutes in the movie and his girlfriend is no longer in the bed. Oh no where did she go? She's outside in the cold because shes scared. That's right, scared of the spider she saw earlier.
42 minutes in the movie and it is no longer playing. Why? Because a dirty movie usually starts to become interesting in 5 minutes. What sucks even more is that his girlfriend doesn't even sleep naked. Sucker.
In summary, if you want to watch a guys sucky relationship and watch a super controlling annoying crazy woman, rent Paranormal Activity. Or for free you can find a girlfriend and experience it yourself.
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Watching Paranormal Activity is worse than the beginning of a naughty movie. Why is it worse you ask? Because at least the naughty movie gets better, in most cases. Not that I watch those kinds of movies or anything since that stuff is gross. Ewww.
30 minutes into Paranormal Activity and you get to watch his girlfriend brush her teeth, scrapbook, scream at a spider and sleep in a bed and cry. How is this any different than any other relationship? I'd rather watch Twilight and The Notebook back to back.
40 minutes in the movie and his girlfriend is no longer in the bed. Oh no where did she go? She's outside in the cold because shes scared. That's right, scared of the spider she saw earlier.
42 minutes in the movie and it is no longer playing. Why? Because a dirty movie usually starts to become interesting in 5 minutes. What sucks even more is that his girlfriend doesn't even sleep naked. Sucker.
In summary, if you want to watch a guys sucky relationship and watch a super controlling annoying crazy woman, rent Paranormal Activity. Or for free you can find a girlfriend and experience it yourself.
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California is Melting
Why do I say that? Do you see all the rain that continues to rain on their parade? You know how the witch melts in the rain from that famous movie with ToTo in it? That's my joke. People freaking out is not a joke. Hopefully all those hybrids with 10 inch rims and P rated tires float into the ocean. I'm not talking about the actually P rated tire. The p stands for something. Guess what that is?
I don't know how many people experience California drivers when it rains. I have. It's amusing and frustrating at the same time. If you live in Michigan you can probably drive, play Call of Duty, shave your legs, bake a cake and text message exactly 160 characters while driving through a hurricane. Oh but it gets better. All of a sudden that hurricane turns into a snow storm giving you 3 inches of visibility. It doesn't matter though, you still drive through while putting frosting on your cake. This is a TYPICAL Michigan driver. There is always the exception though so I cannot totally talk up Michigan drivers. It tends to be a certain race or gender, but I'm not naming that stereotype. Oh yeah and cops can't drive either, especially when they are trying to catch up to me. Not happening buddy.
Anyway, this is the end of my make fun of the rain in CA post. Can't forget to make extra fun of my favorite San Diego Bounce House since they are losing money everyday it rains.
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I don't know how many people experience California drivers when it rains. I have. It's amusing and frustrating at the same time. If you live in Michigan you can probably drive, play Call of Duty, shave your legs, bake a cake and text message exactly 160 characters while driving through a hurricane. Oh but it gets better. All of a sudden that hurricane turns into a snow storm giving you 3 inches of visibility. It doesn't matter though, you still drive through while putting frosting on your cake. This is a TYPICAL Michigan driver. There is always the exception though so I cannot totally talk up Michigan drivers. It tends to be a certain race or gender, but I'm not naming that stereotype. Oh yeah and cops can't drive either, especially when they are trying to catch up to me. Not happening buddy.
Anyway, this is the end of my make fun of the rain in CA post. Can't forget to make extra fun of my favorite San Diego Bounce House since they are losing money everyday it rains.
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What Kind of Party Rentals to Have?
What kind of party rentals do you like to see at events? I can tell you that a bounce house is a must. You have to find one that has more than just a bouncing area. There are so many new ones that are made for adults. Anything with a basketball net inside will provide endless hours of fun and injuries. You won't feel the injuries until the next morning because you will probably be drunk when it happens. I made a post specifically about drinking and bouncing. Check it out.
A beer pong table is also a must. Is it a family event? Who cares? I guarantee your aunts and uncles want to play as bad as you. Some are more open than others, but eventually they will play. I've also seen beer pong games include other games including flip cup/tippy cup. I say flip cup/tippy cup because someone might get super angry if I say it the "wrong" way. Who effin cares how you say it? It's the same game. Are you going to be mad if a girl asks you to make love even though you call it sex? No, unless you are one of those guys who cries and thinks it's beautiful.
What about a dunk tank? I'd rather play dodgeball and actually hit the person that is supposed to fall in the water. Unless it's boiling water. Then I'll choose the dunk tank.
There is a new magnetic climbing wall that lets you climb like Spider-Man. For some reason I see myself doing this with only two magnetic climbers with a drunkness level of a lot. I also think this is a stupid idea, but like I said in a previous post, drunkness is a temporary motivator to accomplish stupid things. Either way, this is a new party rental and you will start to see these at carnivals.
What kind of party rentals do you like to have?
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A beer pong table is also a must. Is it a family event? Who cares? I guarantee your aunts and uncles want to play as bad as you. Some are more open than others, but eventually they will play. I've also seen beer pong games include other games including flip cup/tippy cup. I say flip cup/tippy cup because someone might get super angry if I say it the "wrong" way. Who effin cares how you say it? It's the same game. Are you going to be mad if a girl asks you to make love even though you call it sex? No, unless you are one of those guys who cries and thinks it's beautiful.
What about a dunk tank? I'd rather play dodgeball and actually hit the person that is supposed to fall in the water. Unless it's boiling water. Then I'll choose the dunk tank.
There is a new magnetic climbing wall that lets you climb like Spider-Man. For some reason I see myself doing this with only two magnetic climbers with a drunkness level of a lot. I also think this is a stupid idea, but like I said in a previous post, drunkness is a temporary motivator to accomplish stupid things. Either way, this is a new party rental and you will start to see these at carnivals.
What kind of party rentals do you like to have?
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Random Interview Advice
When you are in college and doing the whole recruiting process you are probably nervous. Don't be. 99% of the time you are smarter than the recruiter. Also, they are going to hire you if they like you. If you "fit it." Maybe not ALL companies are like this, but I've seen many examples of this in my short lived corporate experience. I've even spoken with recruiters who told me they know if they are going to give a second interview within one minute. ONE minute! I know one minute seems like a long time for some guys out there, but it really isn't.
You honestly should care way more about yourself during the interview and make the recruiter feel like they are being recruited. Why would you do that? It's like telling a girl you won't have sex with her. She feels unwanted and not as good as the other girls. What does she do then? She has sex with you. Try it out at a bar. If there is a group of girls, talk to the least attractive one. Sure she has a great personality, but she isn't as good looking until you drink 45 shots of Hot Damn 100. MOST TIMES, the more attractive girls start asking themselves what is wrong with me? Why is he talking to heeeeer? Now the attractive girls try harder and want you to want them. Don't give in yet though. Wait until the end of the night and now she is desperate and questioning if her friend is better than her. NOW STRIKE. You can finish the story on your own because I'm getting sidetracked from the main idea.
Do not be nervous in the interview. Instead, you should really understand what it is like to work at the company interviewing you. I chose the company that paid the most. BIG MISTAKE. I should have picked the company that had young workers and a fun work environment. That is what you should go after. Ask many questions related to the work environment and then ask yourself if you would hang out with those people outside of work. If you say no, why would you want to work there? You're going to hate your life and then you become the majority of American's who want to kill their co-workers. I killed a co-worker with a trident and now I'm wanted. I'm going to lay low for awhile.
P.S. if you are a girl who takes offense to the above analogy, sorry. Not really though. If you want to jump in and steal a guy that is talking to your lesser attractive friend, talk about Call of Duty. Tell the guy how much you love it. You now have control over his life.
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You honestly should care way more about yourself during the interview and make the recruiter feel like they are being recruited. Why would you do that? It's like telling a girl you won't have sex with her. She feels unwanted and not as good as the other girls. What does she do then? She has sex with you. Try it out at a bar. If there is a group of girls, talk to the least attractive one. Sure she has a great personality, but she isn't as good looking until you drink 45 shots of Hot Damn 100. MOST TIMES, the more attractive girls start asking themselves what is wrong with me? Why is he talking to heeeeer? Now the attractive girls try harder and want you to want them. Don't give in yet though. Wait until the end of the night and now she is desperate and questioning if her friend is better than her. NOW STRIKE. You can finish the story on your own because I'm getting sidetracked from the main idea.
Do not be nervous in the interview. Instead, you should really understand what it is like to work at the company interviewing you. I chose the company that paid the most. BIG MISTAKE. I should have picked the company that had young workers and a fun work environment. That is what you should go after. Ask many questions related to the work environment and then ask yourself if you would hang out with those people outside of work. If you say no, why would you want to work there? You're going to hate your life and then you become the majority of American's who want to kill their co-workers. I killed a co-worker with a trident and now I'm wanted. I'm going to lay low for awhile.
P.S. if you are a girl who takes offense to the above analogy, sorry. Not really though. If you want to jump in and steal a guy that is talking to your lesser attractive friend, talk about Call of Duty. Tell the guy how much you love it. You now have control over his life.
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Monday, January 18, 2010
Small Things That Make You Want to Lay Down Some...
What are things that make you want to punch, kick, pull hair, gauge an eye or two, stab with a pencil, rip nipple piercings out, headbutt, strangle with floss and I can seriously go on forever since I've probably thought of everything to do to someone for some reason or another? I'm going to just write and not even think. The first one is fresh since it happened 20 minutes ago. Ok here it goes.
Fast food people forgetting your sauce. First of all I cannot eat McDonald's chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce. Second, you have the easiest job in the world except being a prostitute. How the hell do you forget the sauce? It shows it on the screen for J sake. J sake can be Jesus sake's or Jewish sake's. Up to you. Both ways make my point.
People who scream in the gym. Ok,we know you're lifting heavy weights and I hope you drop them on your face or nuts so you can let me listen to Miley Cyrus in peace. I'm assuming you don't care about your nuts since you use steroids so lets go with face.
People who drive foreign vehicles, except Audi's of course. This means the majority of you hate me now, but that's how I feel. For some stupid reason people who drive foreign vehicles are half not smart. That's my politically correct way of saying you are retarded. This rage exponentially increases when the people who drive the foreign vehicle complain about the economy.
Countries/Governments that complain about the United States, but beg for help when they are in trouble. What gets me even more is when we are on our way to help and don't get there fast enough. Excuse me? Sorry our teleportation system is down. If we would reverse the role and the United States had a catastrophe, nobody would help. In fact, they would say, "Oh, well they had it coming, they deserve it." The best thing they would give is a possible incentive to buy their foreign vehicle. Okay I'm done with the foreign bashing for now.
Those are a few big ones. There are many many more and I'll do a follow up post with more.
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Fast food people forgetting your sauce. First of all I cannot eat McDonald's chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce. Second, you have the easiest job in the world except being a prostitute. How the hell do you forget the sauce? It shows it on the screen for J sake. J sake can be Jesus sake's or Jewish sake's. Up to you. Both ways make my point.
People who scream in the gym. Ok,we know you're lifting heavy weights and I hope you drop them on your face or nuts so you can let me listen to Miley Cyrus in peace. I'm assuming you don't care about your nuts since you use steroids so lets go with face.
People who drive foreign vehicles, except Audi's of course. This means the majority of you hate me now, but that's how I feel. For some stupid reason people who drive foreign vehicles are half not smart. That's my politically correct way of saying you are retarded. This rage exponentially increases when the people who drive the foreign vehicle complain about the economy.
Countries/Governments that complain about the United States, but beg for help when they are in trouble. What gets me even more is when we are on our way to help and don't get there fast enough. Excuse me? Sorry our teleportation system is down. If we would reverse the role and the United States had a catastrophe, nobody would help. In fact, they would say, "Oh, well they had it coming, they deserve it." The best thing they would give is a possible incentive to buy their foreign vehicle. Okay I'm done with the foreign bashing for now.
Those are a few big ones. There are many many more and I'll do a follow up post with more.
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A Bottle of Motivation Please
Every once in awhile I write a serious post. This is one of them. To me, motivation is extremely important if you want to be successful. I'm not talking about temporary motivation like alcohol gives you to do stupid things including run through cars, wrestle geese, snowmobile over a fence that is clearly too high to jump and the list goes on. I'm talking about permanent motivation that will allow you to live how you want. We all have different opinions on what a happy life means. Here's my mini story:
I graduated college and landed a corporate job. You know what I did most of the time? I tried to think of all the ways to paint my cubicle red with my own blood. The corporate BS and politics was enough for me. "Goodbye," I said. I was making decent money. Well I started a business instead and cut my yearly salary in half. Motivation to stay away from the corporate world kept me going and now I do what I want when I want. It was hard work, but motivation kept me moving. Here are a few things I did when working on a Friday night instead of dominating beer pong.
1. Visited a travel site and looked at deals. I looked at trips to Tahiti, Hawaii, Italy, California, Cruises and so on. I wanted to be able to visit places when I wanted. My corporate job gave me 2 weeks a year. Eff that. I want go somewhere every other month. If I want to work in a different country for a few months I can. Try doing that in a corporate job.
2. Looked online for Aston Martin's. I love these cars more than my body needs water.
3. Looked at pictures of infinity pools. What would be cooler than going in your backyard and relaxing in your infinity pool overlooking the ocean with a glass of wine? Good wine. Not the $9.99 gallon of wine.
4. MOST IMPORTANTLY. Being able to help others accomplish their dreams. All the materialistic things are fun to have, but being able to change others lives is just sweet. If they deserve it that is. If you read my post about bad drivers, those people deserve shit.
What motivates you? There is one quote that I live by. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." That is the most simple saying that speaks the truth. Hopefully this post motivates someone to stop playing Call of Duty for an hour and think of a cool business to start. Or if you are motivated to reach level 70 that's okay too.
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I graduated college and landed a corporate job. You know what I did most of the time? I tried to think of all the ways to paint my cubicle red with my own blood. The corporate BS and politics was enough for me. "Goodbye," I said. I was making decent money. Well I started a business instead and cut my yearly salary in half. Motivation to stay away from the corporate world kept me going and now I do what I want when I want. It was hard work, but motivation kept me moving. Here are a few things I did when working on a Friday night instead of dominating beer pong.
1. Visited a travel site and looked at deals. I looked at trips to Tahiti, Hawaii, Italy, California, Cruises and so on. I wanted to be able to visit places when I wanted. My corporate job gave me 2 weeks a year. Eff that. I want go somewhere every other month. If I want to work in a different country for a few months I can. Try doing that in a corporate job.
2. Looked online for Aston Martin's. I love these cars more than my body needs water.
3. Looked at pictures of infinity pools. What would be cooler than going in your backyard and relaxing in your infinity pool overlooking the ocean with a glass of wine? Good wine. Not the $9.99 gallon of wine.
4. MOST IMPORTANTLY. Being able to help others accomplish their dreams. All the materialistic things are fun to have, but being able to change others lives is just sweet. If they deserve it that is. If you read my post about bad drivers, those people deserve shit.
What motivates you? There is one quote that I live by. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." That is the most simple saying that speaks the truth. Hopefully this post motivates someone to stop playing Call of Duty for an hour and think of a cool business to start. Or if you are motivated to reach level 70 that's okay too.
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I love Call of Duty, I hate Call of Duty
Call of Duty is kind of like your girlfriend. You love her sometimes, you hate her sometimes. It's a healthy balance. Also, if you're a girl you will probably hate this post because your boyfriend is probably ignoring you right now because he's playing Call of Duty.
I love Call of Duty Modern Warefare 2, COD for short. I love headshots, buzzkills and stabbing campers. I also use one man army and put 2 claymores down at a time. When one goes off I set another one down. I usually kill the same person 5 times in a row with just my claymores. Why does he keep coming up the stairs where he died 4 times previously? Because he's mad and wants to stab me and he thinks I'm all out of claymores. WRONG! Thanks for my predator missile though. Oh ohhh my predator missile just got me 2 kills and now I have my harrier. Suckers. Just a few more kills for my chopper gunner. WTF! 10 kills and I die from a random grenade. Now I absolutely hate COD. It's the worst game in the world and I'm done playing. So I continue to play and now my bullets seem to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would probably be better off using a potato launcher than my ACR. To make things worse I'm playing against a team that sits in the corner the WHOLE game. Not all their team members do it though. The ones that don't camp are using the grenade launcher. At this point I have no choice but to quit since my controller broke.
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I love Call of Duty Modern Warefare 2, COD for short. I love headshots, buzzkills and stabbing campers. I also use one man army and put 2 claymores down at a time. When one goes off I set another one down. I usually kill the same person 5 times in a row with just my claymores. Why does he keep coming up the stairs where he died 4 times previously? Because he's mad and wants to stab me and he thinks I'm all out of claymores. WRONG! Thanks for my predator missile though. Oh ohhh my predator missile just got me 2 kills and now I have my harrier. Suckers. Just a few more kills for my chopper gunner. WTF! 10 kills and I die from a random grenade. Now I absolutely hate COD. It's the worst game in the world and I'm done playing. So I continue to play and now my bullets seem to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would probably be better off using a potato launcher than my ACR. To make things worse I'm playing against a team that sits in the corner the WHOLE game. Not all their team members do it though. The ones that don't camp are using the grenade launcher. At this point I have no choice but to quit since my controller broke.
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Sunday, January 17, 2010
Have a Blog? Moderate Your Comments!
If you have a blog you probably want comments. Right? Of course you do. Well be careful about accepting spam comments because this will hurt you in the long run.I decided to come up with an example to help you understand it more or maybe less if I confuse you. Either way, read on.
You are super excited you started a new blog and you cannot wait until you get your first comment or two. Compare this with a young boy just starting to know what sex and girls are. Well that young boy cannot wait to get his first girl and do everything he sees in movies and now Saturday morning cartoons.
Well a few weeks go by and BAM, young Buford is approached by a girl. She's not attractive, but she is stupid and is in that special math class for the "extra special" students. Buford doesn't care. It's his first chance so he's going to do whatever he can. He does it. By "it" I mean anything you can think of. Compare this to your blog. You get so excited that someone commented on YOUR blog. Let's call it the comment erection. Well you use that erection and approve your first comment, even though it's for a business selling illegal children. Who cares! It's a comment. WRONG!
A few weeks later Buford notices red, green, purple and yellow dots all over his little Buford. Yup, Buford has AIDS. He is now slowly dying all because he gave it up to the special math girl. He should have looked into that girl a little more. If he did Buford Jr. might be all good. Compare this with your blog. If you accept spam comments, you will be hurt. Your blog will be infected with AIDS and slowly die from the rankings of Google. P.S. Google is god in this story since they pretty much own the world now. Google will penalize you for linking to bad sites. These links come from spammers commenting on your site. It's that simple. Control your comment erection and don't put it in everything that comes your way!
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You are super excited you started a new blog and you cannot wait until you get your first comment or two. Compare this with a young boy just starting to know what sex and girls are. Well that young boy cannot wait to get his first girl and do everything he sees in movies and now Saturday morning cartoons.
Well a few weeks go by and BAM, young Buford is approached by a girl. She's not attractive, but she is stupid and is in that special math class for the "extra special" students. Buford doesn't care. It's his first chance so he's going to do whatever he can. He does it. By "it" I mean anything you can think of. Compare this to your blog. You get so excited that someone commented on YOUR blog. Let's call it the comment erection. Well you use that erection and approve your first comment, even though it's for a business selling illegal children. Who cares! It's a comment. WRONG!
A few weeks later Buford notices red, green, purple and yellow dots all over his little Buford. Yup, Buford has AIDS. He is now slowly dying all because he gave it up to the special math girl. He should have looked into that girl a little more. If he did Buford Jr. might be all good. Compare this with your blog. If you accept spam comments, you will be hurt. Your blog will be infected with AIDS and slowly die from the rankings of Google. P.S. Google is god in this story since they pretty much own the world now. Google will penalize you for linking to bad sites. These links come from spammers commenting on your site. It's that simple. Control your comment erection and don't put it in everything that comes your way!
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My Autoshow Concept Vehicle
Since the Detroit auto show is going on, I decided to develop my own concept vehicle. Have you played Grand Theft Auto or at least heard about it? If not... wow. My vehicle design is based around that game since I have road rage. I wouldn't have road rage if people learned to drive though so I'm blaming my issues on them. Here are the issues with people driving that create the motivation behind my concept vehicle.
1. Tailgaters: First off, I do not drive slow. The only reason I drive the speed limit is if someone is in front of me and I cannot pass. Other than that it's at least 1mph over the speed limit since I'm such a rebel. Every once in awhile I will be stuck behind someone driving the speed limit. Then, some a-hole decides to practically hump my bumper and ride my ass. Not cool at all. I use the slam on my brakes method until the person is either in the ditch or backs off. Either way satisfies me. That is the OLD method. My concept vehicle will have an electronic display on the back window that kindly tells the tailgater to back off. The first warning will say please in it. The second warning will have die in it. Be creative and come up with your own sentences with those words in it. There is no third warning. Instead, my concept vehicle has a rocket launcher that comes up from under the bumper. So I push the button and my Grand Theft Auto style vehicle eliminates one more stupid person from our roads.
2. People who fail to see the light is green, especially a green arrow that is about 5 seconds long. Wow dude, you just gave yourself 5 years of bad karma. And by bad karma I mean me writing your license plate down and stalking you for 5 years. The old method was to catch up to the vehicle assuming I made the light and slam on my brakes and not allow them to pass. I figured they weren't in a hurry to make the light, so they must want to drive slow to wherever they are going. I'm just helping. My concept vehicle will once again have an electronic display that teaches them manners. My vehicle will also take a picture of the person driving and display it on my back window while I pass them. There will also be a big X over their face. Hopefully they are scared and slow down. No worries though. My side rocket has a lock on feature and once I'm 1 mile away from the vehicle I send that baby to the mannerless vehicle. This 1 mile cushion allows me to stay stealthy so nobody witnesses the rocket leaving my vehicle. The rocket also has a kill cam on it just like Call of Duty so I can watch the video over and over from the comfort of my mom's house.
3. I saved the best for last. There are PLENTY of other road rage enablers that I have, but these are the top. The person who is in such a hurry to cut in front of you and then drives UNDER the speed limit. OMGMYBFFJILLWTFJUSTHAPPENED. I'll tell you what happened. The person that just pulled in front of me has no respect. When there are NO cars behind me, you feel the need to hurry and pull out in front of me just to drive UNDER the speed limit? WTF would you do that. I'm getting mad just writing about it. Imagine when it actually happens. The old method is to ride their bumper and turn on the brights if it's dark out. I do this for a few minutes just so they know I'm angry. Then I'll pass and slam on the brakes. No they are probably mad. THEN I go WAY UNDER the speed limit. Way under. I'm talking 15 in a 55. If they try to pass I floor it or move in the middle of the road. Whatever one I'm feeling in the moment. If it's a red light, I'm getting out. There isn't a new method on the concept vehicle. I like the current method especially if it's a red light. Nothing can beat it.
I can go on for days about bad drivers. However, Speeders is on TV right now and I'm waiting for them to air my segment. Oh that's right never mind, I don't get caught. Muhahaha. Boom goes the dynamite. Post your road rage enabler below.
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1. Tailgaters: First off, I do not drive slow. The only reason I drive the speed limit is if someone is in front of me and I cannot pass. Other than that it's at least 1mph over the speed limit since I'm such a rebel. Every once in awhile I will be stuck behind someone driving the speed limit. Then, some a-hole decides to practically hump my bumper and ride my ass. Not cool at all. I use the slam on my brakes method until the person is either in the ditch or backs off. Either way satisfies me. That is the OLD method. My concept vehicle will have an electronic display on the back window that kindly tells the tailgater to back off. The first warning will say please in it. The second warning will have die in it. Be creative and come up with your own sentences with those words in it. There is no third warning. Instead, my concept vehicle has a rocket launcher that comes up from under the bumper. So I push the button and my Grand Theft Auto style vehicle eliminates one more stupid person from our roads.
2. People who fail to see the light is green, especially a green arrow that is about 5 seconds long. Wow dude, you just gave yourself 5 years of bad karma. And by bad karma I mean me writing your license plate down and stalking you for 5 years. The old method was to catch up to the vehicle assuming I made the light and slam on my brakes and not allow them to pass. I figured they weren't in a hurry to make the light, so they must want to drive slow to wherever they are going. I'm just helping. My concept vehicle will once again have an electronic display that teaches them manners. My vehicle will also take a picture of the person driving and display it on my back window while I pass them. There will also be a big X over their face. Hopefully they are scared and slow down. No worries though. My side rocket has a lock on feature and once I'm 1 mile away from the vehicle I send that baby to the mannerless vehicle. This 1 mile cushion allows me to stay stealthy so nobody witnesses the rocket leaving my vehicle. The rocket also has a kill cam on it just like Call of Duty so I can watch the video over and over from the comfort of my mom's house.
3. I saved the best for last. There are PLENTY of other road rage enablers that I have, but these are the top. The person who is in such a hurry to cut in front of you and then drives UNDER the speed limit. OMGMYBFFJILLWTFJUSTHAPPENED. I'll tell you what happened. The person that just pulled in front of me has no respect. When there are NO cars behind me, you feel the need to hurry and pull out in front of me just to drive UNDER the speed limit? WTF would you do that. I'm getting mad just writing about it. Imagine when it actually happens. The old method is to ride their bumper and turn on the brights if it's dark out. I do this for a few minutes just so they know I'm angry. Then I'll pass and slam on the brakes. No they are probably mad. THEN I go WAY UNDER the speed limit. Way under. I'm talking 15 in a 55. If they try to pass I floor it or move in the middle of the road. Whatever one I'm feeling in the moment. If it's a red light, I'm getting out. There isn't a new method on the concept vehicle. I like the current method especially if it's a red light. Nothing can beat it.
I can go on for days about bad drivers. However, Speeders is on TV right now and I'm waiting for them to air my segment. Oh that's right never mind, I don't get caught. Muhahaha. Boom goes the dynamite. Post your road rage enabler below.
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Saturday, January 16, 2010
Drinking and Bouncing
Add it to the list of illegalness. If I did not mention in a previous post, I make up words. All the time. Back to the story. We rented a bounce house. We played beer pong. We tried to figure out a way of playing beer pong in the bounce house, but that wasn't happening. I don't think the rental company would have liked it either. After giving up my short term dream of playing BP in the bounce house, we decided to play dodgeball/basketball inside the bounce house. It was definitely interesting. I think everyone ended up with some kind of injury. Some were physical and some were emotional of course. Unfortunately, I experienced both plus a hangover. At least I didn't wake up with a tiger in my bathroom or a random baby.
Back to the bounce house. SWEET! When I'm loaded I'm buying the biggest one they have. You know how some of the bounce houses have characters on the top? I started thinking of what my custom bounce house would be. I started to brainstorm. What looks good when bouncing? Horse balls? NO! Boobs? DUH! Brainstorming was immediately over and I started a financial plan to develop a bounce house with nice boobs. I guess you can say they are fake boobs. Haha.
If you are planning an event, look into renting a bounce house. You WILL have fun. No doubt.
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Back to the bounce house. SWEET! When I'm loaded I'm buying the biggest one they have. You know how some of the bounce houses have characters on the top? I started thinking of what my custom bounce house would be. I started to brainstorm. What looks good when bouncing? Horse balls? NO! Boobs? DUH! Brainstorming was immediately over and I started a financial plan to develop a bounce house with nice boobs. I guess you can say they are fake boobs. Haha.
If you are planning an event, look into renting a bounce house. You WILL have fun. No doubt.
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Music Glyphs Piano Music Chords Frees You To Play!
San Diego Bounce House
Commission Blueprint 2
Nashvillebbb
credit expert
Moon Bounce Directory
Ca-razy Scholarships to College for Po Folks - and not so po
I went to college. I have student loans. Big ones at that. I could probably buy a Ferrari with my monthly payments that go to students loans (the months that I pay my loans that is). Anyway, there are some pretty unique scholarships out there and I'm going to tell you about some of them.
1. If you're a sweet golf caddy with 2 years of experience. So the bum that Happy Gilmore hired that ended up washing socks and taking baths in the pond can get a nice chunk of change to "go be smarter." Haha. No joke people. It's called the Evans Scholars Foundation.
2. Got Milk? Hell yeah I do so give me some money. Did you know you can get $7500 for having a great looking milk mustache? True story. Body by Milk gives 25 lucky people the $7500. However, you have to be a student athlete with a minimum GPA of 3.2. There goes 99% of the eligible people. Just kidding, athletes are smart.
3. If you are a 6'2 male or a 5'10 female you are tall and deserve money. That's stupid. I'm 6'2 if I wear those shoes with the hidden 4" soles that are too expensive to buy so I remain 5'2. Do the math. Anyway, the TCI (Tall Club International) offers people under 21 $1,000 if you meet the skillful requirements of being 6'2 or 5'10.
4. What is vacuum coating? If you know what it is then you can receive $2,500 from the Society of Vacuum Coating. They provide 2 $2,500 scholarships a year. That pretty much means everyone that applies gets it.
There are a few more crazy scholarships, but I'm not telling anyone because I qualify for them. Just kidding, I already went to college and trying to come up with a plan to make so much money I can buy the bank my student loans are through and fire the last customer service rep I had. She had no heart. I'm thinking about starting my own scholarship for Food Friendzy. If you do not know what that is you either spend all your time watching porn or I guess don't have Facebook. Either way, both deserve a scholarship too.
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1. If you're a sweet golf caddy with 2 years of experience. So the bum that Happy Gilmore hired that ended up washing socks and taking baths in the pond can get a nice chunk of change to "go be smarter." Haha. No joke people. It's called the Evans Scholars Foundation.
2. Got Milk? Hell yeah I do so give me some money. Did you know you can get $7500 for having a great looking milk mustache? True story. Body by Milk gives 25 lucky people the $7500. However, you have to be a student athlete with a minimum GPA of 3.2. There goes 99% of the eligible people. Just kidding, athletes are smart.
3. If you are a 6'2 male or a 5'10 female you are tall and deserve money. That's stupid. I'm 6'2 if I wear those shoes with the hidden 4" soles that are too expensive to buy so I remain 5'2. Do the math. Anyway, the TCI (Tall Club International) offers people under 21 $1,000 if you meet the skillful requirements of being 6'2 or 5'10.
4. What is vacuum coating? If you know what it is then you can receive $2,500 from the Society of Vacuum Coating. They provide 2 $2,500 scholarships a year. That pretty much means everyone that applies gets it.
There are a few more crazy scholarships, but I'm not telling anyone because I qualify for them. Just kidding, I already went to college and trying to come up with a plan to make so much money I can buy the bank my student loans are through and fire the last customer service rep I had. She had no heart. I'm thinking about starting my own scholarship for Food Friendzy. If you do not know what that is you either spend all your time watching porn or I guess don't have Facebook. Either way, both deserve a scholarship too.
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Friday, January 15, 2010
My Girlfriend Wants To Share Something
Ok pervs and creepers... don't get excited. She wants to share her thoughts of our experience at the bar tonight. If you thought I teased you with the title then you are a creep. We went to the bar for a few drinks tonight and something bugged her. What is it you ask? Read on my friends. read on.
I have to express my feelings for girls that go to the bar thinking that they are the HOTTEST things that walked in there. As I sit around a table full of guys, I watch one fat chick at a table constantly look around the bar, flipping her hair and licking her lips to see who notices her. I notice you. You're nasty. If I'm not the only one that notices how fat and nasty you are, then that just proves that nobody else is looking. She gets up to go to the bathroom and shakes her shit as she goes. Gross. I almost vomited on myself. THEN, there's the oriental girl who walks up to the napkin dispenser while and Eminem song is bumping. As she is taking about 500 napkins, she is trying to wiggle her ass into a dance. Mind you, she is wearing jeans that are sagging off her ass, with butt pockets that close and have buttons and you can see her underwear lines. I don't care if thongs aren't in style anymore. Underwear lines are never and will never be in style. But for this girl, they were. After she took her 500 napkins, she starting walking back to her table, FULL of guys, and was walking like she was on the cat walk. Are you serious? Did you look in the mirror before you left your studio apartment? You're wearing a t-shirt that obviously hung down mid-thigh, that you rolled up and tied in the back with your hair tie. Wasn't that cool to do in 1992? As she left, same persona. Give me a break. Every other girl at the bar put you to shame today and you know it.
My favorite girls of the night were the ones that came in wearing their little black dresses with their heels and COLUMBIA jackets. Awesome combination. First of all, you're at a sports bar. Second, you shouldn't be wearing a little dress that stops RIGHT UNDER your FAT ASS. Your thighs are touching!! And we are looking right up to the point where your crotch starts. Disgusting. We really, really don't want to see your cottage cheese thighs. I know when you left home and your "friends" told you that you looked good, and you looked in the mirror, you only looked at your hair, half your face and the front of your outfit. You should know better and be ashamed of yourself. You know your friends don't think you look that good. They only tell you that because they don't want you to look better than them.
I'm done. I feel a lot better.
Ok me again. I feel better too. Why? Because my girlfriend feels better. She feels better, I feel better. I'm young and always made fun of married guys that said to always make your wife happy or you're going to be miserable. Well, now I know what they mean. I'm 100% sure other people feel the same way. I'm also 100% sure other people are going to think we are jerks and insensitive. Nope. Ok end of this blog. Time to enjoy the rest of the evening since my girlfriend is happy. Uh huh.
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I have to express my feelings for girls that go to the bar thinking that they are the HOTTEST things that walked in there. As I sit around a table full of guys, I watch one fat chick at a table constantly look around the bar, flipping her hair and licking her lips to see who notices her. I notice you. You're nasty. If I'm not the only one that notices how fat and nasty you are, then that just proves that nobody else is looking. She gets up to go to the bathroom and shakes her shit as she goes. Gross. I almost vomited on myself. THEN, there's the oriental girl who walks up to the napkin dispenser while and Eminem song is bumping. As she is taking about 500 napkins, she is trying to wiggle her ass into a dance. Mind you, she is wearing jeans that are sagging off her ass, with butt pockets that close and have buttons and you can see her underwear lines. I don't care if thongs aren't in style anymore. Underwear lines are never and will never be in style. But for this girl, they were. After she took her 500 napkins, she starting walking back to her table, FULL of guys, and was walking like she was on the cat walk. Are you serious? Did you look in the mirror before you left your studio apartment? You're wearing a t-shirt that obviously hung down mid-thigh, that you rolled up and tied in the back with your hair tie. Wasn't that cool to do in 1992? As she left, same persona. Give me a break. Every other girl at the bar put you to shame today and you know it.
My favorite girls of the night were the ones that came in wearing their little black dresses with their heels and COLUMBIA jackets. Awesome combination. First of all, you're at a sports bar. Second, you shouldn't be wearing a little dress that stops RIGHT UNDER your FAT ASS. Your thighs are touching!! And we are looking right up to the point where your crotch starts. Disgusting. We really, really don't want to see your cottage cheese thighs. I know when you left home and your "friends" told you that you looked good, and you looked in the mirror, you only looked at your hair, half your face and the front of your outfit. You should know better and be ashamed of yourself. You know your friends don't think you look that good. They only tell you that because they don't want you to look better than them.
I'm done. I feel a lot better.
Ok me again. I feel better too. Why? Because my girlfriend feels better. She feels better, I feel better. I'm young and always made fun of married guys that said to always make your wife happy or you're going to be miserable. Well, now I know what they mean. I'm 100% sure other people feel the same way. I'm also 100% sure other people are going to think we are jerks and insensitive. Nope. Ok end of this blog. Time to enjoy the rest of the evening since my girlfriend is happy. Uh huh.
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Here's who I am and What I be,
Ok so who I am and what I be is pretty much the same thing right? Yeah, but different people say it differently. Maybe when you're joking and want to sound funny you say what I be foo. When you're serious you might say here is who I am.
Why is my blog called mom.mommy.mom.louis.mom.mommy? Because it's my favorite line in Family Guy. Oh Stewie, how I wish I was as smart as you.
Anyway, I'm a pretty simple person with a lot of opinions. I did the whole college thing and landed a corporate job. Well, it sucked. Big time. Not for me. So instead I live with my mom at age 34. Okay, just kidding. I'm an entrepreneur on a mission. I can't tell you all my secret moves or other people, maybe even you, will steal them. Since I have no social life, my blog is going to be my friend and listen to my opinions on all the effed up stuff going on. Maybe I'll even talk about some good things going on in the world. Liiiike... new episodes of Family Guy.
Most my posts are going to be short because I have A.D.D. I self diagnosed myself just now so I officially have it. Oh and you might find small links at the bottom of every post. Those are my friends. Fake friends, but I'll consider them friends for now.
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Why is my blog called mom.mommy.mom.louis.mom.mommy? Because it's my favorite line in Family Guy. Oh Stewie, how I wish I was as smart as you.
Anyway, I'm a pretty simple person with a lot of opinions. I did the whole college thing and landed a corporate job. Well, it sucked. Big time. Not for me. So instead I live with my mom at age 34. Okay, just kidding. I'm an entrepreneur on a mission. I can't tell you all my secret moves or other people, maybe even you, will steal them. Since I have no social life, my blog is going to be my friend and listen to my opinions on all the effed up stuff going on. Maybe I'll even talk about some good things going on in the world. Liiiike... new episodes of Family Guy.
Most my posts are going to be short because I have A.D.D. I self diagnosed myself just now so I officially have it. Oh and you might find small links at the bottom of every post. Those are my friends. Fake friends, but I'll consider them friends for now.
How To Stop Tinnitus
Jumpness
jukebox mp3 players
duraheat
www.freelinksdirectory.net
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